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Posts Tagged ‘questions’

Words that nearly everyone can relate to..  If you have lived, I believe you will have at some point in your life, experienced your heart breaking…  Whether it be from a relationship with a significant other, with parents, with children or indeed with a special pet, or something else entirely, to live is to experience heart break.

The reason for this post, however, is not to explore heart break, but to write about a wonderful book I have read by fellow blogger Vivienne Tuffnell called “Strangers and Pilgrims”.

It begins by exploring the lives of different people and their individual paths as they journey through life, each experiencing their own special form of misery.  Each of them getting so desperate that they type in the words “My heart is breaking and I’m dying inside” into a search engine hoping beyond hope that by some miracle, they can find what they need to begin living again.

And oh my, that is where the journey truly begins..  The way Viv brings her characters to life and weaves her way through their lives is truly magical..  I literally could not put the second half of the book down, I continued to read until 3 in the morning, without any comprehension of time passing. And yes, I did have work on the next day – so warning – read it on the weekend!

Such a talented writer, with tremendous insight into human nature, she makes each of the characters believable and draws you into their lives with effortless ease.

I really loved it..  Thank you Viv for bringing it to life.

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Unconditional love..  Is it a real possibility or is it an urban myth?

How many people can live and breathe Unconditional Love 24/7?

I used to believe that I loved my children, my family (brothers, mother, uncles, nephews, cousins, etc etc), my friends unconditionally..  And, I knew I was always needing to learn unconditional love when I had a partner..

Now, I’m not so sure..

To me, to live with Unconditional Love means:

  • to love someone without any hidden agendas,
  • to love them no matter what they do,
  • to love them without expectation or judgement,
  • to see their light rather than their behaviour,
  • to know that there are no labels (good, bad, etc) – everything just is.

When I look at that list, I know deep within me that I can tick the top two – but the bottom three?  Wow..  As I said I used to think I did!   However, after listening to one of my daughters, I realised that I do judge my children (in the sense of getting disappointed with the things they do, especially now that they are mini adults and needing to spread their wings) – I do get caught up in their behaviour – I do get so pissed off with them that I am the one needing a “time out”.  If it’s not possible for me to love my own children unconditionally, is that whole concept a possibility for me at all?

Why is it that the people with whom we have the closest relationship, tend to be the ones we are most conditional about?  What is really at play here?  Our ego?  The mirror with all its facets saying “right back at you”?  Is it all a rouse to wake us up?  Maybe it’s because we are not unconditional with ourselves first and foremost.

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to always come from a position of love.  Love is our natural state.  When did it stop being so?  Or at least becoming so that we have to search to find it?  Have we really gone that far astray from ourselves?  I know when I am coming from a position of love, my entire being vibrates at an entirely different level and I feel so at peace and at one with the world.  Knowing that feeling..  Experiencing that feeling…  Why on earth do I ever allow myself to go back to the lower vibrations?  Is it a habit to live in those lower vibrations?  If so, then surely I can make love a habit…

That is what I am currently working on..  And oh my, it is a constant challenge.  I have to catch those unloving thoughts (that seem to occur with ease) as they creep in and turn them around.  It’s fascinating to watch – like one of those cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other both whispering in your ear.  Which one am I going to listen to now?  (Was it this tricky to learn the other habit?)

Even after all of this questioning, I still believe that it’s a real possibility…

Awareness being the first step of awakening…

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Forgiveness..  Interesting concept…

What happens when you don’t forgive?  I know what happens to me..  A part of me shrivels up & dies or creates another hard layer of my psyche that is difficult to shift..  And the more I try to push it aside, more & more of my life force/energy gets eaten away until I am left with just a smidgen of what I could be…

Is that any way to live? Is that any way to be?

You are only hurting yourself when you do not forgive..

What I am learning now, is that I can easily forgive other people – so much so that my mother believes me to be an “easy target” and my children think I am weak and need protecting!  (What they don’t understand (at the moment) is that it is a tough road to follow – to pull yourself up when you perceive an attack and let it go.  Which is quite different to ignoring or avoiding a situation.)

However, when it comes to me, I am having great difficulty…  It seems that I have a tendency to be really hard on myself and expect a great deal from myself.  When I fall short of those expectations, I do not forgive, I just give myself a hard time…  No loving thoughts coming my way from me!!

Why is that?

I guess I don’t need to know why…  I just need to learn..  Learn to be loving towards myself..  Learn to offer myself the same advice as I would offer my friends…  Learn to forgive myself..

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Are having “bad days” a normal part of the human experience?  Can we eliminate them?  Is peace and harmony within an attainable (and if attainable, a sustainable) way of being?  Are we denying an aspect of ourselves if we don’t allow all of our feelings?  Or if we do allow all of our feelings – does it open a gateway to negativity?

As you can tell.. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately..  And doing a lot of reading on how our thoughts impact our world – everything I read “You can Heal Your Life”, “Happy for no Reason”, “The Secret”, etc..  the list goes on and on..  are all about maintaining a positive outlook and how damaging it can be to your life to allow negativity in.. 

Now, I understand this..  However, as a human being, I have both “positive” and “negative” qualities within me (in “” because they are just judgements in the way we view life – I don’t necessarily believe in good or bad – I believe more in experiences and the lessons we learn through those..)  – to not embrace the “negative” – to ignore it or chase it away – is denying a whole aspect of myself..  How can anything “positive” come of that?  How can I be complete within myself if I ignore parts of my being?  How can I love myself completely, if I am so busy denying who I really am?

I think that by pushing away the shadow side of myself, by not examining it when it comes up – keeps it hidden, in darkness, left there to fester because it is not given a voice..  By shedding light on it when it comes up, may be an extremely difficult thing to do at the time, because it can cause so much pain and anguish, but, it also allows for complete healing, and, I think, more importantly, complete acceptance for who I am as a person.. 

So..  There will be days where I am feeling low and have let the weight of life get me down, but if I examine why those feelings are coming up, I am a lot closer to healing them than if I denied them or simply pushed them to one side with a positive thought.. To push anything to one side is not dealing with it, it may make me feel better in the short term, but, in the long term it creates barriers.  Barriers that stunt my growth as a person, barriers that make me limited in my thinking and my way of being.. 

That’s my belief today..  To know that I have every colour of the rainbow within me – and my purpose is to integrate them all into my whole being – to be a complete person..

 I want to accept that shadow side of myself..

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Comparing yourself to anyone is one of the greatest sources of unhappiness I can think of..

The second you have made a comparison – “They’re happier..”, “They’ve got their act together..”, “They are so in love..”, “They’re kids are wonderful…”, “They are acheiving so much…”, “He’s so much happier without me..”  etc.. etc… – Not only have you made a judgement about something you would know nothing about (scratch the surface of nearly anyone’s life and you will find that they have been through or are going through a lot of crap themselves), but,  something happens inside you..  A denying of yourself..  Slowly but surely it erodes your self confidence, your very being becomes clogged with negativity and feelings of self pity and not being “good enough”..

Wonder why we do it?  I wonder why I do it..  I understand on an intellectual level how damaging it is for me..  I also understand it from a different perspective too, I can actually feel the darkness permeate through me as I compare myself – it’s an instaneous reaction..  And yet..  I continue to do it..  I continue to make assumptions about other people’s lives, which, in turn, makes me feel somehow “less than..”..  Am I becoming so addicted to pain, that I need to twist the knife myself?  Is it a form of self-sabotage?

Awareness is the first step to altering that which you no longer want in your life..  Well..  I am more than aware – have been for quite a few years now…  Hmmmm..  I wonder what the next steps are…

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Nervous…

Oh boy..

I thought I was so cool about auditioning for a couple of plays at the local amateur theatre group – thought I could deal with it – thought I was ready for it..  Now that it’s tomorrow – I’m so so nervous..

All my insecurities are coming to the fore.. 

Rejection – Why am I doing this to myself?  Why am I deliberately putting myself out there in a position to be totally rejected?  Am I some kind of idiot?

Not being good enough – What if I am so bad, that people start laughing?  What if I don’t get a part?  Then, I have to write a blog post about how bad I was!! What if I do – and I’m really really bad?

Fears – What happens if by some miracle I do actually get a part – and I forget my lines? Or someone else forgets their lines? Will I be good enough to cover – or will I just freeze?  What if I get so nervous that my voice breaks in the middle of my lines?

Oh boy..

I haven’t even decided which plays I want to audition for.  You see, they are doing one large play (complete with 10 performances) – and a series of 10  minute plays (with 3 performances).  Now, if I was a sensible person – I’d audition for one of the 10 munute plays – just to ease myself into it (& knowing they need over 36 actors – oh bummer – I shouldn’t have admitted to that – I would have to be really really bad not to get a part under those circumstances!!) – to get the feel of acting..  But no!  I’m thinking about auditioning for both of them (one 10 minute play and the big one).. I am totally insane! 

I’ll let you know how badly I do tomorrow night!

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Your Song..

My wonderful friend, Candy sent this to me – I loved it…

When a woman in a certain African tribe knows she is pregnant, she goes into the wilderness with a few friends and together they pray and meditate until they hear the song of the child.

 

They recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and  purpose. When the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone else.

 

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child’s song to him or her.  Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child’s song.   When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song.

 

Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather  at the person’s bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life.

 

In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child.  If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them.

 

The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity.

 

When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.

 

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it.

 

Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself.

 

They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

 

You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not.

 

When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t.

 

In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well.

 

You may feel a little wobbly sometimes, but so have all the great singers.  

Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.

 

Speak only of other’s good.

 

Health, prosperity, joy and awakening  to you always! 

 

Peace on earth and to all living beings!

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Epiphany..

I had an “Aha” moment the other day – while a friend was describing how to practice “Heart Radiance” (something that has taken him over 20 years and so many varied and interesting journeys to develop)..

I’m going to attempt to capture my moment in words – I’m not sure how successful I will be, but, here goes:

Even though we are all connected – all part of the one source..  We are here on individual journeys..  Journeys that contribute to the whole.. 

All the self help books out there, the ones that give us the 1,2,3 answers to make us happier, wealhtier, more fulfilled, etc etc may work for the people that created them – because they found their path – their answers to the questions in their lives. 

But, unless you can actually find your own path – the key to your own happiness – anything you try will not be sustainable.  That all the help in the world is still someone else’s journey – parts may be valid for you – but, not the whole.  Nothing external to yourself is sustainable. 

It is only in finding yourself that the lessons you learn there become complete.

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Self sabotage is interesting..  Totally unconsciously, it holds you in a place of darkness.. It limits your very essence..  It controls your life with voices of duty, guilt, regret, self pity – all the while trying to make you feel better about choices that have left you feeling empty, hollow, confused..

Wonder why it is that we do that?  Is it because we are terrified of following our dreams – our desires – our passions – just in case they don’t work out?  If you don’t follow your dreams, you never have to risk anything..  But, the alternative is so much worse..  A life half lived is a waste of a life.. 

To know passion & love..  To follow our dreams..  To follow our hearts.. Is to live.

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Questions about love..

Do you believe that love can overcome anything?  That if you love someone completely that you can work anything out?   Or is that just a complete myth?  A fairytale?

Can you put love aside because your priorities are different?  Is settling the better way of going? 

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions – I only have my belief that love is all there is.  Maybe that belief is going to make a very unhappy life..  I don’t know..

With great love comes great risk..

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