Posts Tagged ‘negativity’

Are having “bad days” a normal part of the human experience?  Can we eliminate them?  Is peace and harmony within an attainable (and if attainable, a sustainable) way of being?  Are we denying an aspect of ourselves if we don’t allow all of our feelings?  Or if we do allow all of our feelings – does it open a gateway to negativity?

As you can tell.. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately..  And doing a lot of reading on how our thoughts impact our world – everything I read “You can Heal Your Life”, “Happy for no Reason”, “The Secret”, etc..  the list goes on and on..  are all about maintaining a positive outlook and how damaging it can be to your life to allow negativity in.. 

Now, I understand this..  However, as a human being, I have both “positive” and “negative” qualities within me (in “” because they are just judgements in the way we view life – I don’t necessarily believe in good or bad – I believe more in experiences and the lessons we learn through those..)  – to not embrace the “negative” – to ignore it or chase it away – is denying a whole aspect of myself..  How can anything “positive” come of that?  How can I be complete within myself if I ignore parts of my being?  How can I love myself completely, if I am so busy denying who I really am?

I think that by pushing away the shadow side of myself, by not examining it when it comes up – keeps it hidden, in darkness, left there to fester because it is not given a voice..  By shedding light on it when it comes up, may be an extremely difficult thing to do at the time, because it can cause so much pain and anguish, but, it also allows for complete healing, and, I think, more importantly, complete acceptance for who I am as a person.. 

So..  There will be days where I am feeling low and have let the weight of life get me down, but if I examine why those feelings are coming up, I am a lot closer to healing them than if I denied them or simply pushed them to one side with a positive thought.. To push anything to one side is not dealing with it, it may make me feel better in the short term, but, in the long term it creates barriers.  Barriers that stunt my growth as a person, barriers that make me limited in my thinking and my way of being.. 

That’s my belief today..  To know that I have every colour of the rainbow within me – and my purpose is to integrate them all into my whole being – to be a complete person..

 I want to accept that shadow side of myself..

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Yes.. I have been totally silent..  What can I say.. 

Lost my voice.. Lost my words…

Hopefully they’ll come back soon..

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Sometimes, Life has a way of beating you..  Of knocking you to the ground..  Of kicking you while you are down there..  Of holding you in a place of deep despair..

Sometimes, Life sucks..  People die.. People leave.. Money becomes scarce..  Jobs are lost.. 

Sometimes, Life is crap.. Arguments are had with the people you care most about..  Children suddenly become teenagers (a whole series of posts in itself!).. You run over a kangaroo..

Sometimes, Life is so horrible you just want to be out of it.. You allow your mind to control you..  You become trapped in an inner world where nothing holds any meaning, any joy..

Well… Shit happens..

It’s up to us on how we deal with whatever comes our way..  It’s up to us to change the way we view the so called negative experiences of life..  It’s up to us to create our own reality in the way we look at life..  It’s up to us to find our joy.. To find our purpose..

There is nothing holding us back, except ourselves and our self imposed limitations..

We have a choice to make..  We can let Life beat us (which is ok – as long as its a conscious choice) or we can search for the lessons, learn them and move on – change the way we think..

And from my own personal experience, I’m choosing the latter – it’s a tough path – a constant battle between the forces inside.  There are days where the negativity wins out – there are days where I am full to the brim of the excitement of life – where I can look at a flower and think how amazing it is – and there are many in between days.

What is becoming more constant for me now though, is acceptance..  Acceptance that if I happen to have a day that’s not so great – rather than judging myself for the “fall off the wagon” – I now tell myself, it’s ok – I’m ok..  “This too shall pass” is becoming my mantra..

The other thing that is happening – the other thing I can now access whenever I want to (remember to/choose to is probably more like it!) is Unconditional Love..  To feel that love is sublime..  It brings tears to my eyes.. 

A definition of Unconditional Love – “To love without expectation of return..”.  To be able to offer yourself that love would have to be one of the greatest gifts – and once you can do that sustainably – you are ready for an even greater gift – to offer it to everyone else..

Hmmm..  My version of Utopia!

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I need to get out of my own little pity party..  I need to take action to release the negativity that is swelling up inside me, threatening to take over my very soul..  I know I have the choice to do this, I know it is within my power to do this..  I know I have the tools at my disposal to accomplish this..   Why then, am I still here?  Has it become a habit, an addiction to pain?  Is it because in my pain, I have cut myself off from the source?  Or is it simply self-sabotage?

I have no idea..

What I do know is that I want to be me again.. I want to feel complete and whole within myself..  I want to experience life, and joy again..  I want to find the small things in life wonderful again – I want to jump up and down, do cartwheels (even when I get so dizzy I think I’m going to pass out!), dance in the rain, I want to have fun, I want to find meaning in an insane world, I want to feel connected to the flow of the universe.. 

And so, the battle will continue to be waged – I’m just hoping that the pain will not win out – that I don’t simply shut down..  That would be my worst nightmare!

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