Unconditional Love – Possible or not??

Unconditional love..  Is it a real possibility or is it an urban myth?

How many people can live and breathe Unconditional Love 24/7?

I used to believe that I loved my children, my family (brothers, mother, uncles, nephews, cousins, etc etc), my friends unconditionally..  And, I knew I was always needing to learn unconditional love when I had a partner..

Now, I’m not so sure..

To me, to live with Unconditional Love means:

• to love someone without any hidden agendas,
• to love them no matter what they do,
• to love them without expectation or judgement,
• to see their light rather than their behaviour,
• to know that there are no labels (good, bad, etc) – everything just is.

When I look at that list, I know deep within me that I can tick the top two – but the bottom three?  Wow..  As I said I used to think I did!   However, after listening to one of my daughters, I realised that I do judge my children (in the sense of getting disappointed with the things they do, especially now that they are mini adults and needing to spread their wings) – I do get caught up in their behaviour – I do get so pissed off with them that I am the one needing a “time out”.  If it’s not possible for me to love my own children unconditionally, is that whole concept a possibility for me at all?

Why is it that the people with whom we have the closest relationship, tend to be the ones we are most conditional about?  What is really at play here?  Our ego?  The mirror with all its facets saying “right back at you”?  Is it all a rouse to wake us up?  Maybe it’s because we are not unconditional with ourselves first and foremost.

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to always come from a position of love.  Love is our natural state.  When did it stop being so?  Or at least becoming so that we have to search to find it?  Have we really gone that far astray from ourselves?  I know when I am coming from a position of love, my entire being vibrates at an entirely different level and I feel so at peace and at one with the world.  Knowing that feeling..  Experiencing that feeling…  Why on earth do I ever allow myself to go back to the lower vibrations?  Is it a habit to live in those lower vibrations?  If so, then surely I can make love a habit…

That is what I am currently working on..  And oh my, it is a constant challenge.  I have to catch those unloving thoughts (that seem to occur with ease) as they creep in and turn them around.  It’s fascinating to watch – like one of those cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other both whispering in your ear.  Which one am I going to listen to now?  (Was it this tricky to learn the other habit?)

Even after all of this questioning, I still believe that it’s a real possibility…

Awareness being the first step of awakening…

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Neutrality….

There is no such thing as a neutral thought..  Everything we think we apply a judgement to it… Good, bad, better, worse, etc etc…

Think of chocolate..  In itself, very neutral.. It is neither good nor bad, it just is…  Until we start thinking about it..  Yummmmm…  Fattening….  Pimple inducing… Yummmmm…  Sweet…  Gooooood…  Oh no – it’s going straight to my hips just thinking about it… Nourishing… Did I mention Yummmm?…  Comforting…      You get the idea!

I wonder what our world would look like if we stopped making judgements and just accepted what is…

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Busy.. Busy.. Busy..

Well..   They’ve finally started – rehearsals!  Woo hoo!  I’m so glad that I didn’t begin learning my lines before they started.. Because, now I’m playing a different part.. My new character is sooo boring – yes, she’s on stage most of the play – but she is boring..  I’m hoping I’ve got it wrong – that the director will take me to one side and explain the character to me like he did the original one, and that she turns out to be quite cool – Hmmm..  Well, I gotta live with some hope!!

My week has gone from busy 2 nights a week to rehearsals Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays – Basketball for Tuesday (me) & Wednesday (Alex)..  How cool..  I loooove being busy..  And, at some stage (soon I hope) rehearsals will begin for the 10 minute play I’m in..

Ooohh.. I’m also working on a new creative project which is so much fun..  I can’t tell you how inspiring it is to be working with someone else on a creative project.  We both bring totally different skills to it (luckily, he is more disciplined than I am – so keeps me on track); we work in harmony; we expand on each other’s ideas until we are clear about where the story is heading; we work together to ensure agreement on our base principals; he didn’t balk at me when I wanted to incorporate a love story and my version of Utopia!  What more could I ask for!

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Embracing your shadow..

Are having “bad days” a normal part of the human experience?  Can we eliminate them?  Is peace and harmony within an attainable (and if attainable, a sustainable) way of being?  Are we denying an aspect of ourselves if we don’t allow all of our feelings?  Or if we do allow all of our feelings – does it open a gateway to negativity?

As you can tell.. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately..  And doing a lot of reading on how our thoughts impact our world – everything I read “You can Heal Your Life”, “Happy for no Reason”, “The Secret”, etc..  the list goes on and on..  are all about maintaining a positive outlook and how damaging it can be to your life to allow negativity in.. 

Now, I understand this..  However, as a human being, I have both “positive” and “negative” qualities within me (in “” because they are just judgements in the way we view life – I don’t necessarily believe in good or bad – I believe more in experiences and the lessons we learn through those..)  – to not embrace the “negative” – to ignore it or chase it away – is denying a whole aspect of myself..  How can anything “positive” come of that?  How can I be complete within myself if I ignore parts of my being?  How can I love myself completely, if I am so busy denying who I really am?

I think that by pushing away the shadow side of myself, by not examining it when it comes up – keeps it hidden, in darkness, left there to fester because it is not given a voice..  By shedding light on it when it comes up, may be an extremely difficult thing to do at the time, because it can cause so much pain and anguish, but, it also allows for complete healing, and, I think, more importantly, complete acceptance for who I am as a person.. 

So..  There will be days where I am feeling low and have let the weight of life get me down, but if I examine why those feelings are coming up, I am a lot closer to healing them than if I denied them or simply pushed them to one side with a positive thought.. To push anything to one side is not dealing with it, it may make me feel better in the short term, but, in the long term it creates barriers.  Barriers that stunt my growth as a person, barriers that make me limited in my thinking and my way of being.. 

That’s my belief today..  To know that I have every colour of the rainbow within me – and my purpose is to integrate them all into my whole being – to be a complete person..

 I want to accept that shadow side of myself..

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Quote..

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So, what the hell, leap!

Cynthia Heimel

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Rising out of the ashes..

These bushfires have been the worst in Australian History..

Tragedies abound.. Which I have spoken of and which I do not want to detract from..

However, what is happening now, lifts my spirits..

Communities – cities – states – the whole nation are joining together to do anything they can to help..  People all over the country are watching the news and thinking to themselves “What can I do?”..  There are too many volunteers  (they are having to turn people away) – too many things donated (they’ve asked for no more food or clothing) .. In the huge economic uncertainty at the moment – over $31 million dollars has been donated..  People are opening up their homes to others that have lost everything.. 

The Nation’s heart has been opened and it is truly uplifting..  It provides me with hope – it proves to me that we are not a people of “everyone for themselves” – we are a caring, loving people who will do everything in our power to help others..

It’s going to be a long hard road back, but, with the support of the country, it won’t be a lonely one..

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Nervous…

Oh boy..

I thought I was so cool about auditioning for a couple of plays at the local amateur theatre group – thought I could deal with it – thought I was ready for it..  Now that it’s tomorrow – I’m so so nervous..

All my insecurities are coming to the fore.. 

Rejection – Why am I doing this to myself?  Why am I deliberately putting myself out there in a position to be totally rejected?  Am I some kind of idiot?

Not being good enough – What if I am so bad, that people start laughing?  What if I don’t get a part?  Then, I have to write a blog post about how bad I was!! What if I do – and I’m really really bad?

Fears – What happens if by some miracle I do actually get a part – and I forget my lines? Or someone else forgets their lines? Will I be good enough to cover – or will I just freeze?  What if I get so nervous that my voice breaks in the middle of my lines?

Oh boy..

I haven’t even decided which plays I want to audition for.  You see, they are doing one large play (complete with 10 performances) – and a series of 10  minute plays (with 3 performances).  Now, if I was a sensible person – I’d audition for one of the 10 munute plays – just to ease myself into it (& knowing they need over 36 actors – oh bummer – I shouldn’t have admitted to that – I would have to be really really bad not to get a part under those circumstances!!) – to get the feel of acting..  But no!  I’m thinking about auditioning for both of them (one 10 minute play and the big one).. I am totally insane! 

I’ll let you know how badly I do tomorrow night!

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On a more positive note..

I have decided to take action in my life.. 

To fill my life up with things I like to do..  Now trying to figure out what I like to do has been pretty tricky, considering I lost myself so completely, but parts of me that have been long hidden (and I mean looooong) are beginning to re-emerge.. 

My starting point was to go back to things that I enjoyed doing when I was oh so young.. (& Yes, I can remember back that far!!).  I loved creative writing – acting – photography – dancing – power tools – pulling machinery apart & putting it back together – metaphysics – tarot – numerology – reading –  (I know.. I know.. – eclectic might begin to describe it).. 

Hmmm…  Where does that leave me?

Well.. 

• I’ve started a book that has been in my mind for over 10 years..
• I joined a basketball team (don’t quite know where that fits in – apart from sooo much fun!!)
• I’m auditioning for a couple of plays at the local theatre..
• I’ve joined a group that meets every Thursday night – we discuss all sorts of topics from metaphysics to dancing..  (Great bunch of people).
• I’m dancing every Wednesday night – hmmm – attempting to go every Wednesday..

That’s for starters..  I think that’s probably where it will end as well, because the rest of my life has to fit in somewhere as well..  Like raising 3 gorgeous daughters and running my business…

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