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Posts Tagged ‘life’

Unconditional love..  Is it a real possibility or is it an urban myth?

How many people can live and breathe Unconditional Love 24/7?

I used to believe that I loved my children, my family (brothers, mother, uncles, nephews, cousins, etc etc), my friends unconditionally..  And, I knew I was always needing to learn unconditional love when I had a partner..

Now, I’m not so sure..

To me, to live with Unconditional Love means:

  • to love someone without any hidden agendas,
  • to love them no matter what they do,
  • to love them without expectation or judgement,
  • to see their light rather than their behaviour,
  • to know that there are no labels (good, bad, etc) – everything just is.

When I look at that list, I know deep within me that I can tick the top two – but the bottom three?  Wow..  As I said I used to think I did!   However, after listening to one of my daughters, I realised that I do judge my children (in the sense of getting disappointed with the things they do, especially now that they are mini adults and needing to spread their wings) – I do get caught up in their behaviour – I do get so pissed off with them that I am the one needing a “time out”.  If it’s not possible for me to love my own children unconditionally, is that whole concept a possibility for me at all?

Why is it that the people with whom we have the closest relationship, tend to be the ones we are most conditional about?  What is really at play here?  Our ego?  The mirror with all its facets saying “right back at you”?  Is it all a rouse to wake us up?  Maybe it’s because we are not unconditional with ourselves first and foremost.

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to always come from a position of love.  Love is our natural state.  When did it stop being so?  Or at least becoming so that we have to search to find it?  Have we really gone that far astray from ourselves?  I know when I am coming from a position of love, my entire being vibrates at an entirely different level and I feel so at peace and at one with the world.  Knowing that feeling..  Experiencing that feeling…  Why on earth do I ever allow myself to go back to the lower vibrations?  Is it a habit to live in those lower vibrations?  If so, then surely I can make love a habit…

That is what I am currently working on..  And oh my, it is a constant challenge.  I have to catch those unloving thoughts (that seem to occur with ease) as they creep in and turn them around.  It’s fascinating to watch – like one of those cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other both whispering in your ear.  Which one am I going to listen to now?  (Was it this tricky to learn the other habit?)

Even after all of this questioning, I still believe that it’s a real possibility…

Awareness being the first step of awakening…

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Diversity..

I find it fascinating how a group of people can read the same quote and all find different meanings in the words..

Let me explain.. It was my turn to hold our monthly women’s group meeting on Saturday.  The women involved in this group are all talented, creative, independent thinkers, have the courage for self exploration and are leaders in their chosen field.  Everyone comes from extremely different backgrounds and all have very different experiences in life, and yet, the group works..

Part of our discussion revolved around this quote:

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

Martin Luther King Jr

There were 7 women at this meeting and the quote affected each one in a unique way.  No two women had the same interpretation..

Anywhere from guilt at having neglected friends, to likening “enemies” to the “mind”, to how amazing it is to have friends that you can be silent with, to my version which was that people need to stand up for what they believe in and not to live in fear of what will happen if they do..

Same words, different meanings for everyone present..

Diversity in all its glory – gotta love it!

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Well..   They’ve finally started – rehearsals!  Woo hoo!  I’m so glad that I didn’t begin learning my lines before they started.. Because, now I’m playing a different part.. My new character is sooo boring – yes, she’s on stage most of the play – but she is boring..  I’m hoping I’ve got it wrong – that the director will take me to one side and explain the character to me like he did the original one, and that she turns out to be quite cool – Hmmm..  Well, I gotta live with some hope!!

My week has gone from busy 2 nights a week to rehearsals Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays – Basketball for Tuesday (me) & Wednesday (Alex)..  How cool..  I loooove being busy..  And, at some stage (soon I hope) rehearsals will begin for the 10 minute play I’m in..

Ooohh.. I’m also working on a new creative project which is so much fun..  I can’t tell you how inspiring it is to be working with someone else on a creative project.  We both bring totally different skills to it (luckily, he is more disciplined than I am – so keeps me on track); we work in harmony; we expand on each other’s ideas until we are clear about where the story is heading; we work together to ensure agreement on our base principals; he didn’t balk at me when I wanted to incorporate a love story and my version of Utopia!  What more could I ask for!

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Are having “bad days” a normal part of the human experience?  Can we eliminate them?  Is peace and harmony within an attainable (and if attainable, a sustainable) way of being?  Are we denying an aspect of ourselves if we don’t allow all of our feelings?  Or if we do allow all of our feelings – does it open a gateway to negativity?

As you can tell.. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately..  And doing a lot of reading on how our thoughts impact our world – everything I read “You can Heal Your Life”, “Happy for no Reason”, “The Secret”, etc..  the list goes on and on..  are all about maintaining a positive outlook and how damaging it can be to your life to allow negativity in.. 

Now, I understand this..  However, as a human being, I have both “positive” and “negative” qualities within me (in “” because they are just judgements in the way we view life – I don’t necessarily believe in good or bad – I believe more in experiences and the lessons we learn through those..)  – to not embrace the “negative” – to ignore it or chase it away – is denying a whole aspect of myself..  How can anything “positive” come of that?  How can I be complete within myself if I ignore parts of my being?  How can I love myself completely, if I am so busy denying who I really am?

I think that by pushing away the shadow side of myself, by not examining it when it comes up – keeps it hidden, in darkness, left there to fester because it is not given a voice..  By shedding light on it when it comes up, may be an extremely difficult thing to do at the time, because it can cause so much pain and anguish, but, it also allows for complete healing, and, I think, more importantly, complete acceptance for who I am as a person.. 

So..  There will be days where I am feeling low and have let the weight of life get me down, but if I examine why those feelings are coming up, I am a lot closer to healing them than if I denied them or simply pushed them to one side with a positive thought.. To push anything to one side is not dealing with it, it may make me feel better in the short term, but, in the long term it creates barriers.  Barriers that stunt my growth as a person, barriers that make me limited in my thinking and my way of being.. 

That’s my belief today..  To know that I have every colour of the rainbow within me – and my purpose is to integrate them all into my whole being – to be a complete person..

 I want to accept that shadow side of myself..

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Comparing yourself to anyone is one of the greatest sources of unhappiness I can think of..

The second you have made a comparison – “They’re happier..”, “They’ve got their act together..”, “They are so in love..”, “They’re kids are wonderful…”, “They are acheiving so much…”, “He’s so much happier without me..”  etc.. etc… – Not only have you made a judgement about something you would know nothing about (scratch the surface of nearly anyone’s life and you will find that they have been through or are going through a lot of crap themselves), but,  something happens inside you..  A denying of yourself..  Slowly but surely it erodes your self confidence, your very being becomes clogged with negativity and feelings of self pity and not being “good enough”..

Wonder why we do it?  I wonder why I do it..  I understand on an intellectual level how damaging it is for me..  I also understand it from a different perspective too, I can actually feel the darkness permeate through me as I compare myself – it’s an instaneous reaction..  And yet..  I continue to do it..  I continue to make assumptions about other people’s lives, which, in turn, makes me feel somehow “less than..”..  Am I becoming so addicted to pain, that I need to twist the knife myself?  Is it a form of self-sabotage?

Awareness is the first step to altering that which you no longer want in your life..  Well..  I am more than aware – have been for quite a few years now…  Hmmmm..  I wonder what the next steps are…

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Quote..

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

Wayne Dyer

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My beautiful friend Candy posted this in her blog..  I thought I would copy her..

It is truly inspirational for anyone over 40..  I just love it..

 

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Quote..

The thought manifests as the word.

The word manifests as the deed.

The deed develops into habit.

And the habit hardens into character.

So watch the thought and its ways with care.

And let it spring from love,

born out of concern for all beings.

 

Buddha

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