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Posts Tagged ‘history’

Grateful..

Some history..

4 months ago, the love of my life told me that he could no longer continue with our relationship..  I have been totally devasted ever since..  So much heartache, so much pain – I thought I could never get through it – I thought I would die – I cried for 3 months straight, never letting up..  I cried in front of clients, friends (both new & old) and family..  I had lost any sense of identity – anything I thought was me had disappeared.. I was officially a blank canvas..

This total breakdown was so unusual for me – so outside any experience I have had.  You see I had always been taught that you don’t show your emotions – it only shows your weakness!  And heaven forbid you allow yourself to be vulnerable!!  So, I grew up holding everything inside – only crying when noone else was around – always being bright & cherpy around people – even hid my emotions from myself! 

Anyway, all that is a little bit of background (the last 4 months have been the biggest challenge in my life to date – for more than that reason..)  But, the huge huge positives during this time have been the people in my life..

My clients who pay me to assist them have turned into my therapists, some offer me a shoulder to cry on, some offer me extra work – just so I can pay my bills..  One texts me every single day just to cheer me up.. That same man knows when I am feeling so low and in need of a hug, on his way home from work, he will take a detour (about 1/2 hour out of his way) come here, knock on my door – hug me – then leave again..

My friends are just continually there for me – they listen – they empathise – they cajole – they offer their wisdom – they nurture..

And now, I am meeting people here..  It seems so many people have come and are coming out of the woodwork at my lowest point in this life. 

In between the tears – I feel so very grateful and blessed.

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