Posts Tagged ‘family’


We are currently going through the worst bush fires Victoria has ever seen..

There are over 65 people dead and over 300,000 hectares of land burnt out..  100’s of homes have been lost..   Whole towns have been burnt to the ground..  There will be children not going to school tomorrow because their schools are no longer..

It’s frightening.. 

Victorian bushfires toll climbs to 36

(photo came from Yahoo 7 news)

We were placed under Urgent Threat yesterday, the girls were panicking and packed bags of their most treasured possesions – just in case we got evacuated..  I tried to get them to look at it as an adventure – that if the house burnt down – it was only stuff that was going – and stuff can be replaced..  So long as we were together and safe – everything would be fine..  We couldn’t see 10 metres in front of the house at one stage – the smoke was just so intense..  When it got dark – we could see the red glow of the fires.. 

Some of the fires are still out of control, even though we have had a cool change come through..  My heart goes out to everyone who has been touched by these fires..  From the people fighting them – to the families that have lost loved ones and all their possessions.. 

And to think that some of these fires have been deliberately lit!

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Your Song..

My wonderful friend, Candy sent this to me – I loved it…

When a woman in a certain African tribe knows she is pregnant, she goes into the wilderness with a few friends and together they pray and meditate until they hear the song of the child.


They recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavor and  purpose. When the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone else.


When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child’s song to him or her.  Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child’s song.   When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song.


Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather  at the person’s bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life.


In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child.  If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them.


The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity.


When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.


A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it.


Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself.


They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.


You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not.


When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t.


In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well.


You may feel a little wobbly sometimes, but so have all the great singers.  

Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.


Speak only of other’s good.


Health, prosperity, joy and awakening  to you always! 


Peace on earth and to all living beings!

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I just got back after spending the weekend with my brother-in-law and his wife in Canberra..  What a wonderful, nurturing time I had.. 

It began late Friday afternoon with my brother-in-law presenting himself at the airport to pick me up.  A quick ride in the car to the Yacht Club, a civilised G&T while sitting in really comfy chairs overlooking the lake and engaging in heart-to-heart conversation.  I unloaded all my heartache, disappointment, fear, terror, as well as my complete connection and total love for a certain person – he sat, listened, empathised, gave me a man’s perspective (being someone who had to deal with a lot of guilt about leaving his children to be with my sister) and reminded me that I have resilience – that no matter what has occured in my life – I have always got up, dusted myself off and got on the ride again – that I have always had an energy / childlike wonderment for life that will see me through.  That he could still see the inner me – mischievous with a  love for life & experience made me cry – because I certainly haven’t felt like that for such a long time, and the fact that he could still see it, means that I can access it.. 

We talked about my sister, the things she used to do to him, how much she meant to him – the heartache as we watched her die – and even though the heartache was so great for him – he never once regretted his decision to be with her (I think the one regret he had regarding her was that he took so long to make his mind up to be with her and put her through hell and back during that time).  He was so happy to have had the priviledge of marrying her, to have been with her even for such a short time – for him it was all worth it, because she was the love of his life.   We wondered what she would be like now – 16 years down the track – what her relationship would have been like with her son..  I can’t begin to tell you how much that conversation meant to me – I haven’t talked to him for so long (not through anything bad happening – just life taking us in seperate directions) – I’d forgotten that we share a connection that can never be broken.  We laughed – a lot and we cried!  How truly lucky I am!

Then back to his place for a lovely dinner and more fantastic conversation. 

Saturday begins with croissants and hot chocolate (he remembers that I don’t drink coffee!!).  Then the itinerary for the day is planned.. A trip to Canberra Glassworks, then the Degas exhibition, lunch then possibly another exhibition.

Off we go!!  Canberra Glassworks was amazing – I have always found glasswork to be fascinating – but I have never actually experienced it first hand..  Here, you get to sit and watch as the artists make amazing things out of glass.  I noticed that people (looked like students) were coming and going with regularity.  Hmmm.. I wondered if it was possible to do that – I ran downstairs to the reception area and enquired – I got the last available slot for the day!!  Yay!!  So so excited..  As it was for later that afternoon, we went off the see the Degas Exhibition.  I must say, for me, it was a disappointment.  I think there was only one or two paintings that actually inspired me, the rest were dull and lifeless (but, as I know virtually nothing about art, don’t take my word for it!).  Time to go back the the glassworks..

Oh my..  what an experience…  The heat from the furnaces was so intense, I was sweating within seconds of entering..  But fun – oh, so much fun!  It is an amazing medium to work with – the guys make it look so easy – but, when they give you a go, you realise how inept you are.  My teachers were great – full of life and mischief (both of them) – making jokes, sharing knowledge – it’s made me want to go back and do the weekend workshop.

Fiona in Canberra Glassworks  Glassworks  016

I haven’t got a clear photo of the finished product – but I receive it late next week, so will post then..

After that experience, I couldn’t stop smiling for hours – I was like a little kid – hyperactive – talkative – doing little jumps (well.. not quite – but my inner child certainly was!).  Before we left, my brother in law and his wife bought the most exquiste cocktail glasses made by Tom Rowney – I wish I had taken a photo of them – they were just divine.. 

Back home to a scrumptious curry and stir fry complete with Cosmopolitans in the new glasses (which I thought was extremely brave – I think I would have used them as art pieces – never to be used – especially by me and extra especially by me coupled with alcohol!)..  More talking, watching some tv, before fading quickly in light of the above mentioned Cosmos..

Then on the airplane first thing this morning..

I felt so nurtured and so supported.  It was a beautiful experience – and once again I feel so very very lucky..

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Why 16 years?

16 years ago, my sister Karen was giving birth to her son Timothy (Christmas Day).  That was to be the last Christmas my family spent together.

My mother had spent years complaining that none of her children had provided her with grandchildren..  She was most annoyed at this state of affairs..  She had all 4 of us by the time she was 23..  And here we were – my sister 29, my brother 28, myself 25 and my younger brother 24 all with no offspring! 

Something must have been in the air in 1992 because my sister, my older brother’s wife and myself found ourselves pregnant all within 7 weeks of each other..  How wonderful it was when we all found out..  We were all ecstatic and so happy..  When I look back, it was such a magical time, the last time I was truly carefree..  We were blissfully unaware that all our lives were going to irreversably change in a very short time..

I was about 5 months pregnant when I found out my sister had cancer..  To hear those words: “Your sister has cancer” – those words have the ability to transport you into a soap opera.  To a totally unreal place, where nothing feels the same anymore.. Where nothing holds any meaning anymore – even though you are carrying another human being inside you.

They wanted to operate straight away – she wanted to wait until her baby could cope with the anaesthetic – so she waited until the second trimester..  She had the operation and it was a success!  They had got it all!  I can’t begin to describe the joy and relief we felt knowing that it was over – they had cured her..  She still had radiotherapy to go – but they had cut out all the cancer.  She was going to be alright.  We could go back to the land of the living.  No more hospital visits.. No more seeing her in pain.. The scars were there as a reminder – she had lost all sense of taste and had only half a tongue left, so in a way, she needed to learn how to talk again. But, they were small prices to pay.  She was alive!  

My brother’s wife was the first to deliver a beautiful boy – Jake.  Two weeks later, my darling daughter was born – Shannon.  Five weeks later on Christmas Day – Timothy was born.  Once again, we were lulled into a false sense of security.  We all laughed and shared our stories of our new babies, all getting used to getting up so many times during the night.. We relied on each other – we imagined what our lives were going to look like with our children growing up together – how close they would all be.  We marvelled at how wonderful life could be..

Timothy was 5 weeks old when we found out that Karen now had lung cancer..

Our entire worlds were turned upside down again..  Back to the soap opera – to the feeling that this was all happening in a parallel universe somehow..  That surely this couldn’t be happening at all!

She wanted constant positive reinforcement around her.  We were able to provide that – as noone wanted to admit that the worst could occur.  We never talked about what would happen if it did.  It just wasn’t on our radar.  She was going to be ok.. The doctors were going to tell us that they’d cured her again..

Then, my dream.. About a week before she started chemo, I had a dream.  Karen & I were walking in the hospital grounds, she was apologising to me.  She told me that she couldn’t go on – she had made the decision to leave this life – she couldn’t deal with the pain anymore.  I listened and accepted what she was saying.  When I awoke, I knew the dream was real.  I knew our souls had met and I knew what was going to happen.  That week was one of the hardest I have experienced.  To know that she had made the decision at a soul level, and yet she had no idea on the physical plane.  So, I continued to be as supportive as I could.  I told noone of my dream.

The day after she started chemo – she died.  She was just 30, Timothy only 11 weeks old.

After that, my family went their seperate ways, my younger brother flew to Perth, found his love, married her and had 4 children (1 girl, who was named after our sister, died when she was three months old).  My older brother moved to Brisbane with his wife and son.

This has been the first Christmas since that time that everyone has been able to afford to make the trip at the one time.  I’m extraordinarily grateful that they did.

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Not much time..

I have hardly had any time at all to write anything for the last week – I have had my family all together for Christmas for the first time in 16 years..  It was wonderful..  So amazingly easy..  I have missed my family more than I thought possible & I’m so glad that they were here at this very lonely time in my life..  They lifted my spirits enormously..  And now, they have all gone home – all to different states in Australia.. 

It’s very sad to say goodbye again..

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