Archive for December, 2008

Not much time..

I have hardly had any time at all to write anything for the last week – I have had my family all together for Christmas for the first time in 16 years..  It was wonderful..  So amazingly easy..  I have missed my family more than I thought possible & I’m so glad that they were here at this very lonely time in my life..  They lifted my spirits enormously..  And now, they have all gone home – all to different states in Australia.. 

It’s very sad to say goodbye again..

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I feel like I am missing something..

I keep searching and searching and still it is missing..

What is it?  Is it a sense of purpose? Is it a sense of self? Is it a sense of not knowing what this life is all about?

Well..  Whatever it is, I feel its pull..  Guiding me in my search for answers..  Not letting me rest until I really know what it is..  Not letting me settle for a mediocre life (which at this point – it pretty much is!!)..

I think once you begin this process – this self questioning, there is no turning back.  You have to see it through til the very end. 

My thirst for knowledge has increased exponentially.  My want to connect to a higher source of being has become my driver.  I am awakening from a self imposed slumber and sometimes that can be a very scary thing – yet at the same time – wonderfully exhilerating. 

The world is full of possibilities if you become open to them.  If you can get past your conditioning and become truly open in a loving and accepting way – wow, what a way to live..  And I want to truly live my life, in that way – open, loving, accepting, finding wonder in small things, creating a life that I love.  I don’t want to end up on my death bed and find I have regrets.

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The War of Art

I am reading a book called “The War of Art”.  It is about resistance and how to overcome it.  It explains how any endeavour we set out to achieve, can be held back by resistance – in all its forms.  Until we have the discipline to push through, we remain stuck and unhappy. 

I found it fascinating – the processes we go to to limit ourselves – to limit what we can do in this life.  I wonder why we do that..  Wonder why we put ourselves into that space where we avoid doing things that will help us grow and help us find contentment..  Is it lack of courage?  Is it social conditioning? Is it the inability to accept that we are more than this physical body?  But, if that’s the case, then I struggle with not doing everything you can to make life wonderful.  If this is all there is and at the end of it – we are no longer, then why not make every second count?  Why care what other people think of us?  Why limit ourselves in any way?

You know – I think we are our own worst enemy.

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What a wonderful way to exercise – to meet people – to lose yourself in the music..

Gotta love it

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I began a blog a few months ago when I was at my lowest point so far in this life.  Most posts were very depressing and reeked of self pity.  All that was new to me – to feel so down for such a long period of time.  That was not me.  But at the time, I had no idea who I was, I had lost myself so completely and I had no idea how to get myself out of that space.  So.. I thought I would leave it all behind and begin afresh.

My thinking behind this blog is to journal:

  • The emerging new me
  • My new beginnings
  • My search for wisdom
  • My search for meaning in this pretty screwed up world

It’s going to be a pretty interesting ride (for me, anyway!).. 

I’m going to journal the books I read, the information I receive from so many sources, my theories on life and love (which, I am sure will change fairly regularly as I grow) and share the insights I receive.

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