Unconditional love.. Is it a real possibility or is it an urban myth?
How many people can live and breathe Unconditional Love 24/7?
I used to believe that I loved my children, my family (brothers, mother, uncles, nephews, cousins, etc etc), my friends unconditionally.. And, I knew I was always needing to learn unconditional love when I had a partner..
Now, I’m not so sure..
To me, to live with Unconditional Love means:
- to love someone without any hidden agendas,
- to love them no matter what they do,
- to love them without expectation or judgement,
- to see their light rather than their behaviour,
- to know that there are no labels (good, bad, etc) – everything just is.
When I look at that list, I know deep within me that I can tick the top two – but the bottom three? Wow.. As I said I used to think I did! However, after listening to one of my daughters, I realised that I do judge my children (in the sense of getting disappointed with the things they do, especially now that they are mini adults and needing to spread their wings) – I do get caught up in their behaviour – I do get so pissed off with them that I am the one needing a “time out”. If it’s not possible for me to love my own children unconditionally, is that whole concept a possibility for me at all?
Why is it that the people with whom we have the closest relationship, tend to be the ones we are most conditional about? What is really at play here? Our ego? The mirror with all its facets saying “right back at you”? Is it all a rouse to wake us up? Maybe it’s because we are not unconditional with ourselves first and foremost.
I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to always come from a position of love. Love is our natural state. When did it stop being so? Or at least becoming so that we have to search to find it? Have we really gone that far astray from ourselves? I know when I am coming from a position of love, my entire being vibrates at an entirely different level and I feel so at peace and at one with the world. Knowing that feeling.. Experiencing that feeling… Why on earth do I ever allow myself to go back to the lower vibrations? Is it a habit to live in those lower vibrations? If so, then surely I can make love a habit…
That is what I am currently working on.. And oh my, it is a constant challenge. I have to catch those unloving thoughts (that seem to occur with ease) as they creep in and turn them around. It’s fascinating to watch – like one of those cartoons with an angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other both whispering in your ear. Which one am I going to listen to now? (Was it this tricky to learn the other habit?)
Even after all of this questioning, I still believe that it’s a real possibility…
Awareness being the first step of awakening…
In CS Lewis’s classic book The screwtape letters, he had his letter writer Screwtape refer to us as amphibians; both spirit and body.this is maybe why we find we get so confused about love..
Hmmmm… Interesting.. Thank you… xxx
I agree awareness is the first step and unconditional love is possible. It is true that before we can offer unconditional love to anyone we must unconditionally love ourselves. I believe this is where we get lost. We judge ourselves all of the time, from the way we look in an outfit, to the way our skin feels, the wrinkles, the mistakes we believe we have made, the choices we have made, the list goes on and on. We must first love ourselves without conditions, warts and all. It is only then that we can truly practice unconditional love of others.
You are so right.. Thank you..
Hi Fibi,
I’ve been following your blog for some time and I enjoy it.
The topic of unconditional love interests me deeply and I think you have come up with very valid points about it. I don’t have children of my own, but I would believe mother’s love is the only type of unconditional love. Even though you do have expectations to your children, you will continue to love them no matter what. At least this is the case of most women.
While I would agree that it is not possible to give others love if one doesn’t love oneself in the first place, I can’t see how one can love oneself unconditionally without being narcissistic. Or perhaps I’m mistaken.
Very best wishes,
Shiona
Hi Shiona, thank you so much for your comments.. And you are so right, I will always love my children, no matter what – it’s just a shame that I can’t manage it unconditionally.. However, it is something I will continue to look at and learn..